Helping your child with anxiety and depression.

After being in school for several weeks some children and teens can start to feel stress, anxiety and depression about their lives.  It could be feeling like they don't quite fit in socially, or it could be worry about grades.  It's helpful for kids to be able to talk to a parent or trusted adult about what they are going through, but it is not always easy for them.  To help them along keep these things in mind:

• Don't dismiss their thoughts and feelings.  You may not agree with the thought "I'm doing bad in math because the teacher is terrible" but allow your child to state what they think and feel.  Accept what they have to say before you jump in. 
• When you first respond, resist the urge to suggest a solution.  Show that you hear what they say and acknowledge that in some way by responding with something like "I see why you feel that way" or "That sounds really difficult."  Show them you are on their side.  Solutions can come later.    
• Don't minimize the pain and discomfort they may experience from stress and anxiety.  Responses like "You'll be fine" or "Just study harder" or "You can find other friends" send the message that their thoughts are not important.  Again, show them you are listening and acknowledging their situation.
• When they have expressed themselves and you feel they are open to suggestions, ask first what ideas they have about reducing their problems, stress, or anxiety.  Use their ideas as the starting point for your own thoughts and suggestions.  
• Remind them that stress and worry are normal human emotions, not something they need to push away or be ashamed of.  Emphasize their strengths and their ability to be "OK" with uncomfortable emotions and still continue on with the important things in their lives.        

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